God’s Clowns: On Jewish Sabbath
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"But what can one do? One wants some fun!," said Rabbi Schmeck. This sentence seems to carry the message of the rabbinical interpretation of the Pentateuch, usually known as Talmud. Jews claim being redeemed by fulfilling the Mosaic Law, which makes them the Chosen People; however, the Law is impossible to fulfill as a whole. Actually its attached Covenant was violated – and thus nullified – by the formerly known as Chosen People. Nowhere is this better shown than in the interpretations regarding the Sabbath.
In Exodus chapter 20 we read: “8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: 10 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: 11 For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.”
Believing they are redeemed by Law, Jews are forced to obey this one. It is repeated in other places, so – sadly – they can’t claim it’s a scribe’s typo. “But, what can one do? It’s not a comfy law,” said Rabbi Schmeck. Let’s see three hilarious interpretations of the Mosaic Law by the Jewish Clowns. Instead of giving dry interpretations, this article mimics the Pharisaic (rabbinical) methods of analysis. If you are a minor, please stop reading right now since the following paragraphs are contain morally contaminating texts.
"Mi Casa, Tu Casa"
“But, what can one do? One wants to visit his friends!,” said Rabbi Schmeck. Oh, yes, one wants to do that. However, that may be considered a violation of the Sabbath, since the day should be dedicated to God and not to social acquaintances. What can one do? Let’s see, is it allowed walking from the synagogue to one’s house? Of course it is! Now, what is one’s house? This one is an easy trick: wherever my belongings are, that’s my house. Good! Now, let’s put a small item of ours – let’s say a Bible, for the irony – on our best friend’s house. Technically, his house is now also my house. “Mi casa, tu casa; tu casa, mi casa.” Now Rabbi Schmeck can walk from his house to his temple and back to his other house, while God is confused by all this nonsense and believes Schmeck still fulfills the Mosaic Law. You are a genius, Schmeck!
“But, what can one do? One wants to visit his friends!, and his friends live far away.” How long can one walk in the Sabbath. Is walking a type of work? Of course it is!
This point illustrates the way the Talmud was constructed. Topics evolved through a series of questions by the pupils and answers from the rabbis. More often than not, the answers are ambiguous, so that the rabbis keep the redemptive power in their immoral hands. A long time ago, a student asked: “how far can I walk during the Sabbath, without the walk becoming forbidden work?” The rabbi answered: “As far as the length of a string.” Another student added: “How long can the string be?” “It must be a continuous string,” was the evasive answer. After many questions and answers, modern neighboring ultraorthodox communities in Israel are attached by strings running along the highways, so that the Mosaic Law Violators can walk among the communities. Many strings are attached head to tail; rumors say a superstring following Earth’s Equator line is planned for the very near future.
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light
“But, what can one do? One wants to reads his comics during the Sabbath.” According to rabbis, turning electricity on or off is work, and thus prohibited. Are Bnei Barak and Jerusalem dark on Friday’s nights due to this? Of course not! Pre-set timers (called “Shabbat clocks”) are attached to all electric appliances, turning them on and off at the desired moment during the Sabbath. The cause for the turning on or off is a programmed action of the person itself. The work was the result of the person’s will, not of an independent device that decided by itself on the action. The person did decide that work would be performed in the Sabbath and programmed the machine, de facto turning it on and off during the Sabbath. The responsibility for this unlawful work is on the person. In this they commit two faults: they work in Sabbath and they are dishonest with themselves and God.
How to answer to this nonsense? Are they fools, or just clowns? They are not fools, and there is very little one can do, except to remind them some very wise words from Jesus:
John 9:40-41 And some of the Pharisees which were with him heard these words, and said unto him, Are we blind also? Jesus said unto them, If ye were blind, ye should have no sin: but now ye say, We see; therefore your sin remaineth.
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