93-Year-Old Man Assaulted by Israel Police
If we ask, whether the position of the electron remains the same, we have to say no. If we ask, whether the position of an electron changes with the course of time, we have to say no. If we ask, whether the electron is in a state of rest, we have to say no. If we ask, whether the electron is in motion, we have to say no.—J.R. Oppenheimer
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It would have been a breeze to use the 2012 Israeli Police Report to prove that Israeli society has become more violent. For a tenth of a second, I contemplated the tempting prospect. "Israeli Violence towards Palestine Diffuses Inwards," blared the headlines. Using Israel Police Commissioner's words to show that Israel is an unacceptable society is such an easy task that it could have been accomplished while attacked by Bolivia. Mr. Danino reported an increase in the number of charges places by Israel Police in 2012. The number jumped from less than 43,000 in 2011 to over 48,000 in 2012, an increase of over 13%. Israelis are getting violent, and only super-hero Danino, the Israeli eugenic research result of fusing Superman with Batman, can save the world. Can this be true, or is it a Barbie-dream?
Would you trust the statistics of an interested party? Would you trust the claims on bread consumption issued by the Bakers Assosciation, a subunit of Data-Bakers Inc., if their state-subsidy depended on the increase of bread consumption? Shortly after the birth of such a contraption, they would be reporting an increase in the consumption of cookies that haven't been invented yet. "Oh yes, there is an increase in the consumption of pumpkin and squid cookies by toothless-babies. Yes, I swear that! We need more money from the State! Immediately, we must secure the supply of squids and pumpkins." Arch-Hero Danino, honored pursuer of Justice and Eternal Peace, Holder of the Secret of Higher Mathematics, Statistics and Social Manipulations, did exactly this.
One would expect a statistical manipulation to be carried out in the black of the night, those small hours when cooked-data tastes the best. Yet, our hero proved to have limited mental powers. At the beginning of 2012, he started a campaign encouraging citizens to complain to the police. Then, he instructed his subordinates to place charges whenever possible. Not only to place charges, but to inflate them. By the end of the year, Danino became Super-Policeman Batman, Fighter of Crime. The list of criminals that he removed from society is impressive. Defining petty events as crimes was his main manipulation; assaulting innocents, he became an arch-hero. Instead of drawing up an extensive list, let me focus on one case, by far the most worrying one. If your heart is weak, please stop reading immediately. This event took place in April 2011, becoming one of the first to experience the new directives of Mr. Danino. A 93-year-old man from Rishon LeTziyon fell asleep in front of his television. His wife tried to wake him up; instead of leaving his cozy coach, he bit her hand. Maybe he was still asleep, maybe he had had a bad dream and got scared, maybe his wife made a violent move. We don't know. His wife, enthralled by Danino's charm, reported the incident. She wasn't harmed. Now, the man is facing trial on charges of "severe assault." Danino, thank you for saving humanity!
....But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government..." (from the Preamble to the United States Declaration of Independence).
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